Roll to Live, Live to Roll
Because is the new four letter word
I was speaking with a very close friend of mine earlier about food choices. He's having a hard time avoiding refined sugar, it's an ongoing battle. He started, almost on auto-pilot, talking about being tired and hungry (two of the usual suspects in the infamous H.A.L.T. line-up) and using that as his excuse for making a poor decision to eat something he knew he was going to regret later. Regret it because he physically feels not well after eating, well, crap food. It depresses him, bogs him down, and with those feelings come thoughts of inadequacy, a painful childhood, on and on and on.
"I was weak because I wasn't paying attention to my feelings."
"Bulls#!t. You made a poor choice."
Self-help gurus, new age posers and professional quacks have made victims of us all. Americans LOVE excuses, because victims get sympathy, and it's a softer, gentler road to be someone who needs to be nursed and nurtured back to feeling good about themselves. We need issues. We need something to work on, something to improve. A new set of coping tools. A shoulder to lean on. It's devolutionary thinking. We've become less and less self reliant. We need validation. We need to double and triple check before we make a simple decision. We're a nation of whiners.
Yoda said it best - Do or Do Not. (Leaving off the rest of the quote because I don't need it to make this point.) When we make choices, be it to do or not do something, it creates a simple cause/effect reaction. I do (or don't do) this, that does (or does not) happen, or something else entirely unexpected happens. Pretty simple. Nowhere in the simple cause/effect statement is there a "because".
It's the "because" that complicates things. It's that "because" that so many pshrinks want you to get to (and they'll bill you right along the entire journey, and medicate you if the road gets too tough.) That "because" is what keeps us down. (Full disclosure - I'm being somewhat cynical, having gotten great relief from talking through stuff with "mental health professionals" - but it wasn't for years on end and the discussions were very "solutions based".)
Where am I going with this? It's simple. If you want to live a happier, fuller life, and achieve more than you ever dreamed possible, leave the "because" out of your decision making process for things that need to be kept simple.
I'm not talking about choices regarding your family's welfare, your medical condition or world peace, I'm talking about those little things that we need to decide on that can get so overloaded with baggage. When you come to a point when you're about to do something, think about the choices you have to Do or Do Not do something. Keep the "because" on the side. Because if you do, you'll remove the excuse from the equation for the classic second guess later down the line. You can now focus on the issue (ah - there's that issue) at hand. You can objectively look at what you did, and what happened as a result. A very simple analysis that anyone can do, on their own, with very little coaching.
Did you feel good about the result? Why or why not? Is this something you would do or not do again? Why or why not? Not "why did I do this?" but, "why would I do or not do it again." This crystallizes the point - what you have are not contrived issues to resolve through self-help groups, therapy, twelve step programs or worse, but very real choices to evaluate on the basis of how they contribute to the quality of your life, and thus the lives of those around you.
If you consistently make choices that you're happy with, that have a positive, healthy outcome, you're generally in a pretty decent mood and fun to be around. Your family, friends, coworkers and neighbors smile real pretty, and talk about what a great guy you are.
Keep making stupid decisions that end you up in the self-pity dump, and no one is looking to fill your dance card.
When I skate, I choose how hard I push myself. I come upon a hill that I don't necessarily need to climb and think, "am I up to this today?" Yes or No. Even if it's a clear no, I think further, "will I feel better about myself for having tried it, even though I don't feel up to it?" Yes or No. If it's no, hey, I've been HONEST with myself, and I feel good. I skate right on by. If it's yes and I do it, well hell, even if I fail to make it to the summit, at least I made the attempt, which is all I chose to do. I followed through. I won. It's a head-fake on another level - it set's you up to win, 24-7. And there is no "because" in there.
It can be skating, it can be food, it can be about what time to turn in at night or get up in the morning, have one more cup of coffee, or saying sorry for offending someone's sensibilities. It doesn't matter what it is. If you follow the path of just looking to do the next right thing for you and others, no matter what that is, you'll end up "doing" more things that lead to better feelings and "not doing" things that make you come off like a d*&k.
It's not always easy and it has its rewards as a result. I like winning. It makes me feel good. And that's the honest truth. You can do it too. It's a simple choice.
Whatcha gonna do?!?!
"I was weak because I wasn't paying attention to my feelings."
"Bulls#!t. You made a poor choice."
Self-help gurus, new age posers and professional quacks have made victims of us all. Americans LOVE excuses, because victims get sympathy, and it's a softer, gentler road to be someone who needs to be nursed and nurtured back to feeling good about themselves. We need issues. We need something to work on, something to improve. A new set of coping tools. A shoulder to lean on. It's devolutionary thinking. We've become less and less self reliant. We need validation. We need to double and triple check before we make a simple decision. We're a nation of whiners.
Yoda said it best - Do or Do Not. (Leaving off the rest of the quote because I don't need it to make this point.) When we make choices, be it to do or not do something, it creates a simple cause/effect reaction. I do (or don't do) this, that does (or does not) happen, or something else entirely unexpected happens. Pretty simple. Nowhere in the simple cause/effect statement is there a "because".
It's the "because" that complicates things. It's that "because" that so many pshrinks want you to get to (and they'll bill you right along the entire journey, and medicate you if the road gets too tough.) That "because" is what keeps us down. (Full disclosure - I'm being somewhat cynical, having gotten great relief from talking through stuff with "mental health professionals" - but it wasn't for years on end and the discussions were very "solutions based".)
Where am I going with this? It's simple. If you want to live a happier, fuller life, and achieve more than you ever dreamed possible, leave the "because" out of your decision making process for things that need to be kept simple.
I'm not talking about choices regarding your family's welfare, your medical condition or world peace, I'm talking about those little things that we need to decide on that can get so overloaded with baggage. When you come to a point when you're about to do something, think about the choices you have to Do or Do Not do something. Keep the "because" on the side. Because if you do, you'll remove the excuse from the equation for the classic second guess later down the line. You can now focus on the issue (ah - there's that issue) at hand. You can objectively look at what you did, and what happened as a result. A very simple analysis that anyone can do, on their own, with very little coaching.
Did you feel good about the result? Why or why not? Is this something you would do or not do again? Why or why not? Not "why did I do this?" but, "why would I do or not do it again." This crystallizes the point - what you have are not contrived issues to resolve through self-help groups, therapy, twelve step programs or worse, but very real choices to evaluate on the basis of how they contribute to the quality of your life, and thus the lives of those around you.
If you consistently make choices that you're happy with, that have a positive, healthy outcome, you're generally in a pretty decent mood and fun to be around. Your family, friends, coworkers and neighbors smile real pretty, and talk about what a great guy you are.
Keep making stupid decisions that end you up in the self-pity dump, and no one is looking to fill your dance card.
When I skate, I choose how hard I push myself. I come upon a hill that I don't necessarily need to climb and think, "am I up to this today?" Yes or No. Even if it's a clear no, I think further, "will I feel better about myself for having tried it, even though I don't feel up to it?" Yes or No. If it's no, hey, I've been HONEST with myself, and I feel good. I skate right on by. If it's yes and I do it, well hell, even if I fail to make it to the summit, at least I made the attempt, which is all I chose to do. I followed through. I won. It's a head-fake on another level - it set's you up to win, 24-7. And there is no "because" in there.
It can be skating, it can be food, it can be about what time to turn in at night or get up in the morning, have one more cup of coffee, or saying sorry for offending someone's sensibilities. It doesn't matter what it is. If you follow the path of just looking to do the next right thing for you and others, no matter what that is, you'll end up "doing" more things that lead to better feelings and "not doing" things that make you come off like a d*&k.
It's not always easy and it has its rewards as a result. I like winning. It makes me feel good. And that's the honest truth. You can do it too. It's a simple choice.
Whatcha gonna do?!?!
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